Travis and I were riding home with some friends after going out for dinner last night, and the topic of wedding showers came up. For many people not directly involved in the wedding biz, it can be surprising to how many traditions turn up when the topics of weddings are present. The topic of last night’s discussion was wedding showers, who, what, where, why, and when?

I’m a huge fan of Emily Post, and if you are a bride and have not purchased the book, Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette (I have permanently borrowed the 4th edition from my sister-in-law), I highly recommend it. Everyone should be educated with the knowledge they need to be the best bride possible. That being said, the information I’ve gathered on Bridal Showers is from a few different sources; book and internet.

I own an older edition of Emily Post's Book, but the ideas and concepts are very similar. Maybe you can find a used copy on Amazon!

Anywhozzle, Emily Post says, “A wedding shower is a gathering of good friends in honor of a forthcoming marriage. it is a celebration distinguished by the “showering” of gifts on the guest of honor,” (Post 170).

Who:

Well, play and simply, the Bridal Shower is all about the Bride. Men are traditionally not invited to such a party. The event should be hosted by the bridesmaids or a close friend. This alleviates the sigma that the Bride’s family is being “greedy” by hosting another event expecting gifts for the Bride. Though if a bride-to-be lives far from her family or future in-laws, it can be deemed appropriate for the family to host.

Bride and Groom DO NOT host their own shower, that is a huge no-no.

Anyone invited to the Bridal Shower should receive an invitation to the wedding. If an invited guest cannot attend the shower, she is not expected to send a gift. There is no traditional limit to the number of guests to invite to a shower. It is intended to be an intimate event, therefore it would be in poor taste to send an invitation every woman who is invited to the actual wedding.

The huge trend right now? Jack and Jill showers, where both the ladies and gents are invited. I would think you could determine if this was a good idea by feeling out the personalities of your ideal guests. Personally, the guys I know wouldn’t want to touch a Bridal Shower with a ten foot pole, but some couples might have more fun with the guys involved.

What:

The party is traditionally planned by the hostess, but those who are close to the bride are usually encouraged to weigh in on the event. Most of the party will be spent eating, playing party games, chatting, and opening gifts. Many times, guests who are already married/in a committed relationship give advice to the bride to help encourage a long, healthy, marriage.

It is helpful to incorporate a theme to the shower because it can help with the planning of decoration, gifts, and invitations. Some themes might include: Kitchen Shower, Recipe Shower, Tea Party Shower, Lingerie Shower*, etc. Here’s a link from Martha Stewart with a handful of ideas.

*If you know she’s planning on an Uncorked Studios Boudoir Session,
this could really benefit her (and the groom!).

Gifts are expected to be given by shower attendees. Ideas can be taken directly from the couple’s registry (though registry information should NOT be printed directly on the invitation… it’s considered a faux pas) or from the shower theme. For example, if a kitchen themed Bridal Shower is chosen (and indicated on the invitation), guests should bring kitchen gadgets and items for the bride.

Where:

This can depend on the number of guests. If it is truly an intimate affair, this party can be held at the humble abode of the hostess, or one of the other ladies “in charge.”

This is also where the theme of the shower can come into play. If the theme is “Tea Party,” it might be fun to hold it at a restaurant that specializes in tea or the decor hints to a Victorian Tea Party.

Really the “where” does not need to be extravagant. The idea behind a shower should be the labor of love, not money.

Flowers are a perfect way to freshen up a Pal's Pad if that is the chosen location for a shower.

Why:

Historically, Bridal Showers originated in the 1890’s and grew out of the dowery practice. If you are uncertain what a dowery is, it is the money, goods, or estate, that a woman brings forth to the wedding. In “ancient” times it was almost considered a bribe to make the Bride more desirable to the Groom.

I’d like to hope most weddings now in the United States are based from love, and not from bribes, but the true essence of a Bridal Shower is to provide the Bride with objects and knowledge to be the best wife she can be for her husband. It sounds a little old school, but the root of the idea is tried and true.

The story of the first Bridal Shower was inspired by a Dutch couple’s forbidden love. A young woman fell in love with a poor man. He lacked the financial stabilization to take his soulmate as his own, and the bride’s father refused to give him a dowery because he did not approve of their love. The couple was doomed to not be wed. The people of the town heard this woeful tale and came together to gift the couple everything they needed to start a life together. The town came together and indeed, “showered” this young couple with the gifts to a promising future.

When:

Traditionally, Bridal Showers are held within a couple months of the wedding. Really, in today’s world, it is fine to hold a shower anytime before the wedding, but if it’s held too far out, it won’t build momentum for the wedding. You also risk the registry not being created which makes gift purchasing a tad more difficult. If it’s held too close to the wedding, it could create added stress for the bride because it conflicts with last minute wedding day details.

Also keep in mind, if the Bride is traveling to her shower, she is responsible for transporting the gifts back to her home. This could be even more complicated if the shower is held the same weekend as the wedding and the couple is responsible for transporting shower gifts AND wedding gifts back to their home.

There is even a possibility of multiple showers being held for the same bride. Guests who are invited to multiple showers do not NEED to purchase a gift for every occasion. If a guest knows there is a possibility she is going to be invited to more than one Bridal Shower, she could consider purchasing multiple small gifts instead of one large gift, that way she never shows up empty handed.

A handful of small gifts that could be given at a Bridal Shower. These all fall into a wine theme; perfect for anyone you know?

More Info:

This information didn’t seem to fit in any of the “W” categories. So heres some more random stuff.

Thank You Notes: Uber UBER important. Handwritten, snail mail notes signed by the bride (and groom, for he benefits too) are hugely appreciated for guests. DO NOT have your guests address their own thank you notes, it’s unfortunately tacky.

Though everyone invited to the shower may be an intimate friend or family to the Bride, it could be awkward for guests who have never met. The hostess could consider preparing some party games to break the ice. Before choosing games, take a look at the guest list. If the games call for physically participation, and the crowd you’re inviting aren’t the physical type, maybe you should opt in a different direction. Here are some shower games worth Googling: Toilet Paper Wedding Dress, Purse Scavenger Hunt, Clothespin Game, Celebrity Hubby, Pictionary, Groom Trivia / How Well Does the Bride Know the Groom, Know the Bride,  etc.

I enjoyed doing the research on this. I hope it is useful in all your planning needs! (Or at least I hope it helps curbs some curiosity.) Cheers! -Jen